Sometimes I get struck by a flash of clarity that opens my eyes and makes a lot of things much easier to deal with and understand. The most recent one is that parenting is walking on thin ice.
Let me explain.
I started out on this journey of parenting George having a minimum of expectations. I had no idea about feeding, sleeping, stimulating, milestones, toys, socializing, etc. I only knew I wanted the baby I carried to come home with us, to be healthy and everything would be dealt with as it happened. I did not do it on purpose, it is just that life with baby was something that I could not imagine, picture it in my head, and now, looking back, I am deeply thankful for that. Because most of the times the things I expect turn out to be not only different, but totally opposite different.
Parenting is like walking on thin ice in the sense that you are pushing forward not knowing what lies ahead or underneath. You think you are on solid ground, when bam! you slip and find the literal meaning of a PITA not that funny. You do not slip because you are skipping like a ballerina, you slip because you just do (the sole got worn out a bit, or an air bubble got trapped in the ice and your weight burst it and caused the surface you stood on to shift, or the wind pushed you, nothing you could have foreseen or prevented). Or there is the case when the ice just breaks. And you find yourself in freezing water. And scrambling to get out. And you do finally get out, dripping wet and afraid of losing toes to frost, and very wide awake, since freezing water is very sobering. And you have to walk on, and you do. And you step very carefully ahead, and wait to see how the ice holds, and move the other leg, and gingerly place the foot where you think the ice is thicker and on and on. Sometimes you have a very long stretch of good ice and there is no more slip up, no more falling, no more ice cracking underneath you. Your confidence is boosted, you think you have learned reading the signs and are by now a master of avoiding disaster. Until it happens again. And you are back in the god damn freezing water again.
You get the picture.
What has broken my ice so far? In no particular order:
- oversupply (and breastfeeding is NOT easy. It gets easier, but it does not start out that way. If it does startout easy and stays that way, there is always something that comes up, like, for example, developping oxytocin allergy. Susan knows all about that. Yeah, it is never easy.)
- sleep regression (4 months sleep regression loved us so much it stayed with us for 10 months. Enough said.)
- picky toddler eating habits (whatever sounds great now, is yucky tomorrow) (or next week) (it does not apply to not-recommended, not-every-day food, like pie or cake)
- teething (I heard one doctor say that teething doesn’t hurt. I still wish I went back and punch his lights out. Idiot!)
With the oversupply, I found myself ankle-deep in the water. With sleep, I nearly drowned. With the eating, I am constantly surprised to have one foot in the water these days. I am still to hear about a child not being bothered by teething.
With an easy baby, parents are graciously skating away in the sunset (leaving the rest of us green with envy). With a normal one (or several), we are constantly trying to stay upright, we pick ourselves up more than we would like to and we are happy when we spend one day without banging our heads against something. And advice, oh well, advice means well, but unless you are in that particular situation, and know all the factors involved (temperature in the air and in the water, ice thickness, weather conditions, magnitude of the ice opening, etc), advice is just encouragement to make it on your own.
I am not saying that parenting is awful. It most certainly is not. It is wonderful and rewarding and also very hard. It challenges me every day, makes me doubt myself often, but it also fills my heart with such joy and happiness that it makes me float.
Oh, and in case it was not clear: Sonja Henje I am so not. 
I love this comparison, because it is so very true. I have only ice skated a few times. The first I was a child and ended up face first in a snow bank. The second I remember more clearly in adulthood and it did seem that you were skating along just fine and the next thing you knew you were on your butt on the ice. No warning, just free fall. I feel that way often as a parent as well. Just when you think you get the hang of things, everything changes. Thank you for always making me feel like I’m not alone out here!
Of course you’re not alone!
There are so many of us skating here. Or just scooting on ice the best we can.
Oh, how easily I have skated through…probably because I constantly get to deal with sheltering my girl from the jackasses that are her father’s family. But I can sympathize, because regardless of how easy one might have it, there are always challenges and worries. They just keep coming too. But, you keep pulling yourself up and carrying on because you have to.
Precisely, you just have to go forward. I’s not like you can turn back, is it?
Glad to hear you are a graceful skater. I am confident you are very efficient in sheltering your girl.
What keeps me on thin ice? Toddler tantrums that erupt over nothing and everything.
And the (*&^$%#!!!!!!!one!!!!eleven!!!1!) discipline books have NOTHING to say about any method of encouraging one’s child to not think of the car seat as a burning pit of fiery lava but a fun place to hang out. USELESS.
Yeah, tantrums are loads of fun.
Sorry to hear about the carseat drama… It must be so hard.
and this is why I don’t do parenting books
. We all muddle our way through the best we can for the very different personalities and troubles we face. I’d love some unassisted oversupply!
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You got it in 1. That’s exactly how I feel as well. It doesn’t get any easier with time either. I have a 14-year-old and a little rainbow baby of 8 months and, with the teenager it seems like I end up in the darn freezing water every day.